The Grift

The Grift…Sports and other stuff

  • Bucs are back! 2025 MLB Season Preview!

    Bored little leaguer Pirates jersey
    They would sign this kid, controllable years is king.

    Do you feel that? The rumble in your tummy isn’t a bad meatball from the office potluck, it’s the anticipation of another Pittsburgh Pirates baseball season. Two years ago a once in a generation lottery ticket fell into the Pirates lap, Paul Skenes. They have squandered that opportunity by doing nothing to build around the reigning NL Rookie of the Year and front runner for 2025 NL Cy Young. Same old buccos. BUUUUUTTTT I love baseball, it’s something about going to the park, watching the classic May or June run, and the guaranteed July collapse. I love it all! So let’s take a look at the 2025 Pittsburgh Pirates. 

    This team starts and ends with the starting pitching, which is not a great plan for a sport that has an offensive component. Pitching wins when coupled with hitting, it does not win alone. None of us win alone, know when to ask for help. MLB still requires teams to score more runs than their opponent to register an official victory. Coming off a last place NL Central Division finish in 2024 the Pirates of course added zero value to their team. 

    Big Offseason Acquisitions:

    None. 

    Bad Offseason Acquisitions:

    Tommy Pham Outfield

    2024 Stats: -0.2 WAR, .248 BA, 9 HR, 39 RBI, 91 OPS+

    Not good. He’s a journeyman outfielder that once punched a teammate over a fantasy football beef. It wasn’t even about money, it was because Joc Pederson was stashing players on injured reserve. Pham is such a lunatic that he handled the beef nearly 7 months later, Pham also quit said league. Total baby. I respect the slap part, but quitting the league is childish. 

    Pham Slap Full Story

    Adam Frazier 2nd Base/ Outfield

    2024 Stats: 0.3 WAR, .202 BA, 4 HR, 22 RBI, 63 OPS+

    Former All Star, yes this man was once an All Star. He was actually decent at the plate in 2021, they did the right thing and traded him when his value was high. They then did the wrong thing and resigned him 3 years later when he absolutely sucks. I dont have anything funny to write about this dude, he sucks. I was really hoping the Pirates would find a light hitting mediocre defensive 2nd basemen, they are very hard to come by and very valuable. I am sure Ben Cherrington gave some lip service about veteran leadership or something. You know who is a veteran leader? Tammy Duckworth! Maybe they should have signed her! 

    Spencer Horowitz First Base

    2024 Stats: 1.2 WAR, .265 BA, 12 HR, 40 RBI, 125 OPS+

    Pirates utilized some of their current pitching depth to acquire a first basemen, which on paper sounds great. Unfortunately Spencer Horowitz is damaged goods, he required offseason surgery AFTER they traded for him. He has some kind of CHRONIC wrist issues. From MLB.com Alex Stumpf

    Horwitz had some symptoms with the Blue Jays last season, which the Pirates knew about before acquiring him from the Guardians on Dec. 10 for Luis Ortiz and pitching prospects Michael Kennedy and Josh Hartle. Horwitz, however, started to experience new symptoms as he ramped up his hitting program for this season, something that general manager Ben Cherington was made aware of around PiratesFest last month. During a subsequent examination by Dr. Thomas Graham — who had previously seen Horwitz last year with Toronto — a new injury to the tendon in his wrist was identified.

    He’s 26 and supposedly ok, but he’s already hurt AND they traded Luis Ortiz for zero return.  Maybe they should have just uh I dunno sign some free agents that are good? 

    Andrew Heaney Left Handed Starting Pitcher

    2024 Stats: 0.7 WAR, 4.28 ER, 1.250 WHIP, 3.88 SO/BB

    He’s an innings eater that throws strikes. He pitched 160 innings last year which is ok, he made 31 starts. Meh. 

    They signed some other guys and brought Cutch back just to sell tickets. 

    2025 Outlook

    Let’s start with the positives…shouldn’t take too long. Barring an injury, Skenes will be a Cy Young candidate, he has shown in his short time that he’s a legit generational talent. He has reportedly added pitches to his arsenal and will get a full season with the big club. I would not be shocked if there is a minor regression, it’s difficult to follow up a Rookie of the Year season and a 1.96 ERA. He’s also becoming a leader, he talked about how the culture needs to change and that the 2013 Wild Card should not be the last memory of great baseball for Pirates fans. From MLB.com. Enjoy him while you can. 

    “We owe a lot to the city. It’s our job to go out and win for the city because this is bigger than all of us. There’s a reason why Cutch keeps coming back, and specifically to Pittsburgh. There’s something about this city. We saw it last summer. We’ve seen it in the videos of the Wild Card Game. I’m tired of watching them because it was a Wild Card Series. The bar needs to be set pretty high. Not taking anything from those guys. The fact that that’s a golden era of recent Pirates baseball, that needs to change. We owe it to the city.” 

    I love that. Mitch Keller is going to pitch lots of innings and probably be pretty good. Jared Jones showed flashes of greatness last year, albeit in an injury shortened year, he’s already been shut down for the first 6 weeks of the season due to elbow soreness. No ligament damage according to Noah Hiles. 

    The Big Question Marks

    Who will hit for this team? (THIS IS THE BIGGEST QUESTION) The supposed young stud hitters have been major disappointments, 2021 1st Overall Draft Pick Henry Davis is going to start the season in the minors, Ke’bryan Hayes has zero power and doesn’t even hit for a high average (37 career home runs in nearly 500 games). Hayes also has never played a full season. O’neill Cruz has moved from Shortstop to Centerfield, I don’t know if that will help his bat. He has hit like 100 baseballs 120mph this spring so that’s something cool. Otherwise they have holes up and down their lineup and adding Pham and Adam Frazier did nothing to solve that. 

    Bullpen

    Unless all of these guys perform above their recent past this bullpen will likely suck. Holderman and Bednar have shown that they are good MLB players, except last season. Management neglected to bring back their best reliever, Aroldis Chapman. They did bring in Lefty Tim Mayza from the Yankees, he was awful last year but really good in 2023 for Toronto. He also played his college ball at Millersville, PSAC! 

    David Bednar – The Renegade! Don’t boo him or Rowdy Tellez comes back and yells at you. He stinks and should have been traded two years ago when he was good. His ERA was >10 in spring training, nothing to worry about!

    “I am watching you”

    Catchers

    Henry Davis continues to disappoint, he was supposed to back up Joey Bart but unfortunately for him Endy Rodriguez hit .321/.486/.571 in Spring and beat him out. Davis starts in Indy and Rodriguez may play a little first base until Horowitz comes back. Endy is returning from UCL injury so getting his bat in the lineup while not having to throw might be a win win. Starting Catcher Joey Bart has been Cherrington’s best addition ironically Bart was the #2 overall pick in 2018 but disappointed in SF and was traded early last season. Bart hit really well last year and will likely bat in the middle of the lineup. Maybe Davis can draw some inspiration from Bart’s career revival and learn to hit MLB pitching. 

    Prediction 

    This team will win 78 games. Another 78 win season, they have become the baseball version of the Steelers, very stale. The ownership group was handed a gold ticket and did nothing with it, you have a Cy Young candidate on a rookie pre arbitration contract and they have put nothing of value around him. Shame on them, shame on me for caring. Only an organization as inept as the Pirates could turn having Skenes as a negative, people are furious they have not added to try to actually win. It’s pathetic. They will finish in 4th place because almost all of the other teams except St. Louis are trying to win. The Cubs added Kyle Tucker who is perennially a top 10 position player in MLB, Milwaukee always plays above their roster and Cincinnati has the other most exciting player in the division Elly De La Cruz. The Pirates on the other hand run a second rate minor league operation. Enjoy some baseball! 

  • The Super Lame Bowl

    Person being bored as heck

    I could not care any less about this super bowl. Super Bowl implies something great in the title, this aint it. I am tired of Kansas City, I am sick of Jalen Hurts, I can’t wait for the NFL offseason. Having said that, please enjoy this mediocre blog about the big game.

    1. Nobody wanted this matchup, we are all tired of the chiefs, nobody likes Philly and I hear they don’t even care. I would rather watch the Commanders, Lions, Bills, Ravens and Texans in this game. Even Minnesota or either LA team would create more interest. We have seen both teams hundreds of times the last few seasons and do not need to see them again. Maybe I won’t watch, maybe I will go to one of those Public Radio anti-super bowl parties. Do they have gambling at these things?
    2. Sean McDermott needs fired, I said this a few weeks back that he was a mediocre coach. Josh Allen won MVP in an upset over Lamar Jackson and I guess Saquan Barkley (he didn’t have a chance) and yet Buffalo still could not beat KC. The ran the same QB sneak to the same side dozens of times and got stopped. He has taken the Bills as far as he can, they need somebody new.
    3. While I hate this Superbowl, it is absolutely the two best teams of the 2024 NFL Season. Mahomes is amazing, Saquan is amazing. KC Defense is outstanding, Philadelphia’s Defense is outstanding. Jalen Hurts is very mid. The Tush Push should be banned. KC will win this game throwing like 10 lob passes to TE’s and WR. I hate everything.
    4. Please stop doing the Tomahawk Chop. Also it would be great if the networks stopped showing it. When a drunk idiot runs on the field the cameras cut to anything, guys picking their noses. The announcers act like Budd Dwyer just shot himself again and everyone clutches their pearls. When 80,000 drunk morons mock native American culture we just say “look at the passion Jim! These people love this team!” Its time to stop doing it and for tv to stop showing it. I know I AM PART OF THE WOKE LIBERAL MEDIA!!!
    5. The NFL will not be painting “End Racism” in the endzone this weekend for the Super Bowl. This is probably no big deal; it did not end racism nor did it even move the needle toward ending racism. I don’t think if my paternal grandfather was still living and he sat down and watched a game, saw “end racism” in the endzone he would suddenly be enlightened and not offended by mixed race couples. I do find the timing weird. Again, I do not think this in any way created meaningful change, I think it was a marketing gimmick, but if you wanted to stop painting It why not wait until the season is over and just don’t do it anymore come September? Why now? The NFL claims it’s not because Trump is attending the super bowl. Doesn’t that say something? If a specific human is attending a specific game, you need to ask “is this why they don’t want to end racism anymore? Or even reference racism?” Hmmmm. Donny is a racist, he has made ending DEIA and fanning the flames of bigotry a pillar of his second term. I’m sure its just a coincidence.

    Big Game prediction

    The Chiefs are going to win because only bad things happen and everything sucks. I hope everyone enjoys the big game! Here’s a recipe for pigs in a blanket! Andy Reid would love these!

    https://www.foodandwine.com/buffalo-pigs-in-a-blanket-8776664

  • 5 Bold Thoughts and Predictions for the 2025 NFL Wild Card Games

    We’re back for the first Jode-pourri of the year. 5 big ideas and an NFL Wild Card Preview/Picks!  

    • The Steelers stink. They are a rotten piece of fruit collecting flies and smelling like death. Their offense is terrible which creates an impossible situation for the defense. The Bengals had the ball for twice as long as the Steelers on Saturday, no defense can thrive in that situation. The shine has come off Russell Wilson, he is holding the ball forever, missing open wide receivers and making poorly timed mistakes. The two minute drill at the end of the Bengals game was atrocious, I would have had more confidence in Bruce Gradkowski. George Pickens is certifiably insane, he’s got AB attitude with Markus Wheaton’s resume. Pickens is a total headcase, he had 1 reception for 0 yards. 0 yards. He tried to fight a fan, had 4 drops and made zero impact on a critical game. He’s clearly quit. The defense is not completely without blame, DC Teryl Austin (Mike Tomlin) determined that Cory Trice – a 7th round pick making his first NFL start – should cover the best WR in the NFL.
    • Tomlin needs to go. His regular season success is undeniable, but he has not won a playoff game since the 2016 season and nobody has taken the Steelers seriously as Super Bowl contenders for the better part of a decade. His team enters the playoffs as the biggest fraud in the NFL for what feels like the 7th or 8th time. Its like when someone walks a 5k, yes they got the shirt and completed the 3.1 miles, but did they really do a 5k? This season was somewhat different as they took care of business early but have been leaking gravy since Thanksgiving. Its no surprise they are the biggest underdog of the week at +9.5 (some have it at +10) at Baltimore. The organizational philosophy is massively flawed for professional football in 2024. Its defense first, in a scoring league. You would love to have a shut down defense, but you also need a dynamic offense. Tomlin refuses to get with the times and continues to live on a reputation that was earned from 2007-2011. The tagline “Steelers have only had 3 head coaches since 1969” is now the tail wagging the dog. Tomlin is a great coach, I know this because the national media has crowned him year after year for some reason, but his time in Pittsburgh has come and gone.  
    • Sullivan needs to go. Mike Sullivan is the greatest coach in Penguins history, he has more wins, more cups and has survived longer than any coach in franchise history. Herb Brooks and Scotty Bowman were incredible coaches but did not have the same run in Pittsburgh that Sullivan had. Slow starts, soft defense and a lack of scoring have plagued this team for the better part of 5 years. I really like Sully, I know that means a lot to him, coming from someone as important as me, but he needs to be shown the door. Of course this team wins random games like Thursday night against Edmonton which only further muddies the path going forward as buyers or sellers…..hockey purgatory.
    • Pitt basketball is an NIT Team. Jeff Capel has restored Pitt to its mid – late 90’s mediocrity. That’s actually a compliment, he was left with the barest of cabinets after taking over for Jacob’s dad, Kevin Stallings. The Panthers have won a bunch of games this season, have a good record, but have been smoked twice this season and will likely miss the NCAA tournament. Capel has done a good job developing and keeping talent which is no small task in the transfer portal era. They just don’t have a reliable big man and if they can’t shoot they cant find other ways to win. Duke exposed them and the ACC is too weak this season to provide for more quality wins. Pitt basketball is stable and in a good place, good job Capel.
    • The New England Patriots demise has been less satisfying than I thought it would be. I guess Brady leaving NE and winning in Tampa and then Belichick leaving shortly after sort of ruined this for me. I needed to see a Brady-Belichick-Kraft disaster season where Brady was slyly calling out Belichick and then Belichick was calling out Kraft and then Kraft calling out Belichick and them getting destroyed at home by the Jets. It just ended and we never got to see them all go down in flames. Sports can be unsatisfying in that way.    

    Wild Card preview and Picks

    Media outlets need to stop referring to the NFL Playoffs as a bracket, its not a bracket. After the Wild Card round the teams are reseeded, a bracket does not reseed. Please stop doing this if you are a media member that is reading this. I know many do.

    Saturday January 11, 2025

    4:30pm 5. Chargers (-3) vs No. 4 Texans

    The Texans are legally obligated to play at 4:30 on the first Saturday of the NFL Playoffs. The Chargers are a better team with a better coach. Harbaugh has them trending up, I would not be surprised if they win a Super Bowl within the next 3 seasons. They win easily 28-14. Chargers -3.

    8pm No. 6 Steelers at No. 3 Ravens (-10)

    The Steelers should leave at halftime, warm up the busses. They will lose this game by at least two touchdowns. Tomlin’s “genius” defense allowed 5.8 ypc last time these two teams met just a couple weeks ago, this game will be over before it starts. The Ravens are on the upswing and the Steelers are that Italian cruise ship that was sideways. Ravens win 37-10 and it won’t even be that close. If you find someone to take a bet on a Pickens melt down put your life savings on it. Ravens -17 million.

    Sunday January 12, 2025

    1pm No. 7 Broncos at No. 2 Bills (-9)

    I am still of the opinion that Sean McDermott is one of the most overrated coaches in the NFL. He is entering Mike McCarthy territory, great QB and nothing to show for it. The Bills have Josh Allen and have made as many super bowl appearances as I have. Bills win but don’t cover. Broncos +9 is the play.

    4:30pm No. 7 Packers at No. 2 Eagles (-5)

    Packers are super hurt and the Eagles are very good. Most complete team in football, if Hurts is fully healthy I don’t anticipate this being a close game. Jordan Love hurt his elbow, which I have heard is important to throwing a football. Green Bay’s best WR blew out his ACL, which I have heard is important to running routes and catching footballs. Those two things make Green Bay an easy target for a very good Eagles team that should be around come Championship weekend. Eagles -5 is the pick, I would even bet them up to -9.

    8pm No. 6 Commanders at No. 3 Buccaneers (-3)

    I have no clue on this one. Just straight guessing, from The Athletic “Since 2000, rookie quarterbacks are 10-16 in playoff games.” So I guess the Commanders are at a slight disadvantage but the seem to be the more complete team. Tampa always gets in the playoffs in part at least because their division is terrible. This is the first time since 2012 (Wilson, Luck, Griffin III) that multiple rookie QB’s are making playoff starts. I guess I trust Baker Mayfield more than Jayden Daniels, but Tampa didn’t impress me in Week 18 and I NEED IMPRESSED DAMMIT! IMPRESS ME! I guess Bucs -3 is the pick, but maybe just save your money and put it into a Vanguard index fund, great returns and low expense ratios. #notanad

    Monday January 13, 2025

    No. 5 Vikings (-2.5) at No. 4 Rams

    The NFL does not need to have playoff games on Monday Night Football. If you would have told me when I was a child that Monday Night Football would have playoff games I would have lost my mind, I would have also lost my mind to find out that Sega Channel would not be around forever. This game was moved from LA to Arizona due to the wildfires. Minnesota winning 14 games and having to open on the road is nuts. The Rams are finally fully healthy on offense and while I love Kevin Oconnell in Minnesota, I think the QB and Coach advantage is squarely with the Rams on this one. Minnesota’s offense looked terrible last week in a must win game at Detroit. The Rams are going to rely on former Steeler great Ahkello Witherspoon to cover Jefferson or Addison, so I guess I would pick Minnesota….I just hate both sides here. Maybe just save your money.

    Well there you have it, sports opinions that the world desperately need to read.   I am going to attempt to do this more regularly, I wrote it on my 2025 goals list so I will no doubt accomplish it!……

    *edit to correct Sean McVay to Sean McDermott….ugh.

  • Big Game 58! Picks and Preview! Nachos! Football!

    The Big Game is here! I think I am safe to use Super Bowl but I wont because this could be the break I need and don’t want my wonderful writing to be scrubbed from the World Wide Web. This is the last meaningful game for a long time so please blow right past your responsible gambling limits and eat all the pork your stupid face can stand. Nepo Baby Kyle Shanahan tried his hardest to ruin the 49ers chance to play in the Super Bowl, his squad looked like trash for 6 quarters in the playoffs and needed two epic collapses to get here. Kansas City on the other hand couldn’t stop the Bills run game early but escaped Buffalo on a kick that sailed wide right…yeah we know. Then they went to Charm City and out classed Baltimore from the middle of the first quarter until the end of the game. It is not difficult to have more class than something from Baltimore, I stepped on a dead rat during the Baltimore Half Marathon (I PR’d, nbd). This was Mahomes first time in the Playoffs on the road and it did not seem to bother him even a little bit. Speaking of going on the road, his dad should probably stay off it.

    Kansas City Chiefs vs San Fransisco 49ers

    Sunday February 11, 2024

    Kick off: 6:35pm CBS I think…..

    Line: SF -2 (-105)

    I think the pick is so obvious that I am second guessing myself. I just don’t see how you can look at this game and line up Purdy vs Mahomes and think that Purdy wins. The 49ers offense is stacked with 4 AP All Pro’s, but I just don’t trust that a slow start wont happen for the 3rd game in a row. If they get behind Kansas City they wont be facing a de facto rookie Quarterback or a Detroit Lions team that did not know what to do when they were unexpectedly up double digit points. Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes are two of the greatest of all time at what they do. They are to Football what Kung Fu Joe was to being a security guard to a fake burger King in Southside.

    I will not cite Andy Reid’s record off a bye as a reason to bet on Kansas City because when the other team has a bye it’s not that impressive, just 3-4. His record is impressive when his team has a bye only. Kansas City has a better player at the most important position, Quarterback. San Francisco’s Defense is also sputtering, they are ranked 21st in EPA/play from weeks 12-17 (excluded week 18 for obvious reasons) and the playoffs. When you trim the data further to just the playoffs the 49ers Defensive Rush Success Rate is the second worst of all 14 teams to make the playoffs. This defense sucks right now and unfortunately, they are playing the greatest QB and Tight End combo we have seen since prime Brady Gronk. I think Kansas City wins. Mahomes wins MVP, Kelce kisses Taylor and everyone goes home happy, well other than 49ers FAITHFUL!!!! FAITHFUL. How stupid is that? Something to look for during the broadcast is Jim Nantz awkwardly calling Kansas City Defensive Coordinator Steve Spagnualo by his nickname “Spags.” Its uncomfortable, you are not on the team, you are maybe his friend but we are not so its weird. Stop it Jim.

    Prop Bets

    Now we make some money!

    Don’t bet stupid shit like Gatorade color, coin flip, or national anthem – of course I will be betting those things but don’t be like me, be smarter than me.

    All odds from DraftKings SportsBook, use my code MILKYJODE for absolutely nothing.

    Isiah Pacheco Anytime TD Scorer (-120)

    This is a nice safe one, you want to build a card that has some winners. This wont pay off your matching his and hers Quads but it will help you feel a little satisfied if everything else goes sideways. He is the featured back for KC and I mentioned that shitty run defense of SF. He has scored in all three of Kansas City’s playoff games this year. HAMMER THIS ONE. THIS IS THE JODE TODD GRAHAM LEFT LANE HAMMER DOWN BET OF THE CENTURY!!!!

    Patrick Mahomes Anytime TD Scorer (+400)

    This means he has to carry the ball into the endzone not a passing touchdown. He scored on a bootleg the last time these two teams played in the Big Game so this is a nice payout for a Quarterback that can move.

    Kansas City to win the First Half (+105)

    The 49ers have forgotten about the first half of both of their playoff games this season. I just think Kansas City will come out strong and this pays plus money so I would sprinkle a little on this one.

    First Scoring Play Field Goal (+135)

    This has a 50% success rate in the last 4 super Bowls and a 100% success rate in the previous match up between these two teams in 54. Plus money on a boring play nobody wants is a winner. If a touchdown is scored you get the excitement, if its not then you get the money. I also think these offenses will start somewhat slow and will take points early.

    Will the last play of the game be a kneel YES (-215)

    If the game is a blow out or you just don’t care about the final score this will keep you watching literally to the end. I have no stats on this one nor does it matter, this is GAMBLING BABY! Shop this one around, I have seen it listed as plus money at some books. Become an informed consumer.

    RECIPE TIME

    Look I know you didn’t ask but you really need to spread the tortilla chips out and not pile them up. Literally the second layer of chips is just a hot chip with nothing on it. I would even suggest taking the time to spoon salsa individually on each chip and then layer the cheese. It makes for a better product and nobody goes home thinking “that guy served me naked hot chips and called it nachos, what a fraud!”

    Recipe

    Some Chips

    Some Salsa

    Some Cheese (Mexican blend is fine, shredding your own is better but whatever dude)

    Maybe some jalapenos

    Lay down the chips on a sheet tray, put little dollops of salsa on each chip, throw the cheese on them put this in the oven and then when it comes out put sour cream in an old syrup or ketchup bottle and loudly shoot it on the chips.

    Enjoy the Superbowl and nobody cares that you “are only watching for the commercials” you are now known as a mark.

  • Super Wild Card Weekend! NFL gives us the Peacock!

    “I guess this cowboy has a little left in him” – Ben Roethlisberger when literally nobody was claiming he was done. That quote could also apply to a man that Ben essentially bullied into a 4th string role, Mason Rudolph was literally an Oklahoma State Cowboy and has resurrected a roller coaster Steelers season and somehow got them into the playoffs.  The first weekend of NFL playoff games feature a bunch of random weirdo castoff starting quarterbacks, Rudolph, older than dirt Pitt reject Joe Flacco and Lake Travis School Board election financier Baker Mayfield. He actually funded an anti-CRT school board candidate, read more here. He is also suing his father’s company over a missing $12 million investment, read more about that mess here. I knew I hated him for a reason beyond football and his annoying commercials.

    Outside of the actual games on the field the major story is the NFL broadcasting a playoff game exclusively on a streaming platform named after a male bird in the PeaFowl family, female peafowls are called peahens and males are the more commonly known peacock. But this isn’t the Aviary, and I am no longer a licensed ornithologist, you know after “the incident.” Showing a playoff game exclusively on a streaming service behind a paywall is another example of the NFL’s constant greed. It’s not enough that people pay hundreds of dollars to go to games, season ticket holders pay for preseason games and personal seat licenses, taxpayer dollars are used to publicly fund stadiums for billionaires, I have to pay $18 for a flat Diet Pepsi served out of a game worn medical device (that’s not a terrible idea), now Roger “Normal Guy” Goodell is asking us to sign up for a service to watch a playoff game and various Chicago based public safety shows. NBCUniversal reportedly paid $110 million for the game so 32 groups of rich assholes can get an extra $3 million. Chris Mad Dog Russo has some good thoughts on this here. Important to note that if you are in KC or Miami the game will be on local tv, I am sure I have readers in those two markets. Its important to understand that any NFL games that are on pay TV services like cable or streaming are also broadcast on local television, that’s been the case for years.

    I became an obsessed NFL fan because the games were accessible, you could watch the biggest games without having cable, we couldn’t afford cable in my house and my mom would have laughed if I asked her to sign up for a service to watch a single NFL Playoff game. Local teams were on local stations and then the 4pm game was the biggest game of the week, usually Dallas or Green Bay or Denver. Monday Night Football was on ABC and the playoffs and Super Bowl were all on broadcast television. If some is good, ALL is better if you are a greedy ghoul. Streaming sucks, I rarely watch the Thursday night games now that they are on Amazon and have zombie Al Michaels calling them, changing the channel during one of the 90000 commercials in a game is nearly impossible because it’s like restarting Encarta.

    Another recent issue I have with the NFL playoffs, a Monday Night playoff game is awful, god forbid we schedule a 1pm Saturday game. I feel like a dinosaur, but the NFL has turned into the sports version of Wal Mart, we aren’t far from “this punt is sponsored by the new Boeing 737, now with doors that don’t fly off mid-flight!” The NFL is the most watched show on television year after year but I think they may be getting closer to a saturation point and fans finally saying “I’m fine skipping Titans v Jaguars at 9:30 am Tuesday on Showtime Plus Max Liberator Network for $8.99 per second.”

    Enough complaining, onto the Jode-splaining! (my wife came up with that, think man-splaining, she’s clever).

    Saturday

    Cleveland at Houston

    Line: Houston (+2.5)

    4:30pm Saturday NBC (normal NBC, not the bird NBC)

    Two equally elite Quarterbacks

    When Houston got an NFL franchise it was written into law that if they make the playoffs they must play at 4:30pm on Saturday. It feels like a tradition at this point. CJ Stroud has put together an incredible rookie season and DeMeco Ryans has done an equally impressive job as a first year head coach. Unfortunately CJ Stroud ranks 27th out of 32 Quarterbacks facing man coverage and the Browns play lots of man coverage. Even with the possible loss of Denzel Ward the Browns still have Myles Garrett who is likely the Defensive Player of the Year. Flacco has been slanging that thang and just a few weeks back Amari Cooper put up 265 yards on the same Texans defense. I think Cleveland wins and covers.

    Miami at Kansas City

    Line: KC (-4.5)

    8pm Saturday Peacock

    Miami is a mess. They needed to beat a mediocre Buffalo team at home to win the division and play at home and now they must go to Kansas City and play in below freezing conditions. Raheem Mostert and Jaylen Waddle are banged up and Xavien Howard and Bradley Chubb will be out, both of Miami’s starting safeties are hurt as well. Kansas City doesn’t have a wide receiver that would start at IUP but Miami is a total mess and I just cant pick against Andy Reid in January. I think Kansas City wins and covers somewhat easily.

    Sundays (full day of football and queso ooooooooooooooooooh baby!)

    Steelers at Bills

    Line: Bills (-10)

    1pm CBS (the Romo game)

    I hate this game, I hate the Steelers playing at 1pm on Sunday for personal reasons. I have a commitment from 11am until 1pm and doubt that I will be able to grab a pizza and be home and ready for the game in time. The Steelers will be without TJ Watt but will be returning Minkah Fitzpatrick and Demontae Kazee to the secondary. Buffalo has a mediocre run defense and Najee Harris and Jaylen Warren have come alive in the last two weeks. The weather reports for Buffalo are terrible so it sounds like throwing wont be a major part of the game. I unfortunately don’t like the Steelers in this spot and think Buffalo is trending up, they haven’t lost a game since before Thanksgiving and the one game they have lost in their last six was an OT loss at Philadelphia. Josh Allen loves turning the ball over and the Steelers will need that to happen to win, I worry that Buffalo will run the ball down the Steelers throat. I hope this trends like the 1993 Wild Card game at Arrowhead where a mediocre Steelers team took Joe Montana to overtime and ultimately lost. 10 points is huge, but I think Buffalo probably covers. If you are going to bet this game hit the under and leave the sides to the professionals.

    Green Bay at Dallas

    Line: Dallas (-7)

    4:30 Fox

    I avoid watching these teams if I can. I have watched like five minutes of Dallas this year and one Green Bay game. I am just so sick of these two teams, Green Bay hasn’t been relevant since 2010 and Dallas hasn’t been relevant since 1996. We are just subjected to them week after week for some reason. I don’t care who wins, I hope both teams lose. I think Dallas smashes them because they are clearly the better team and Jordan Love IS NOT THAT GOOD! But theres still a chance that Mike McCarthy could blow the Mike McCarthy Bowl, hes so dumb….Dallas covers.

    Rams at Lions

    Line: Lions (-3)

    8pm or whenever Carrie Underwood stops signing (whichever is later) NBC

    “Ohhh Carrie, love that song, so happy to have her back this year, don’t you just love that song Mike?” Cris Collinsworth during the Week 1 game. No nobody likes that song, its fucking dumb, its marginally better than the awful Monday Night Song. Detroit has never hosted a playoff game in Ford Field, literally the Steelers have played and won more post season games at Ford Field than the Lions. I really like Dan Campbell, I thought he was a crazy goofball that would be fire before Thanksgiving. He has turned the Lions into a good team with some legitimate players. The pressure of not having a home playoff game since 1994 and not having won a playoff game since 1992 will be too much, also Sam Laporta is probably out. Rams have lots of options on offense. I am leaning Rams +3….leaning.

    Monday Night Foooooobawwwww (I can feel it in the air tonight….OOOOOHHHHH, cmon SNOOP!)

    Eagles at Buccaneers

    Line: Buccaneers +3.5

    Eagles are reeling. Jalen Hurts is literally hurt, his finger is messed up, AJ Brown is hurt. I don’t think anybody wins this game. It will end in a tie and the commissioner will tell us to all turn our tv’s off and go to sleep. Philadelphia cannot handle the blitz and Tampa blitzes. Philadelphia’s historic defense from last year is long gone, Matt Patricia is now the D Coordinator. I hate to pick Baker Mayfield and Todd Bowles but I think I am. Tampa wins outright….

    There you have it. My wildcard preview. I hope to write more regularly this year but who knows. Thanks for reading and remember the only way to get back to even is to keep on BETTING!

  • Jode-pourri

    Week 1 NFL, Al Roker and Velcro Shoes.

    Did anyone else’s grandma have lots of potpourri in their house? I feel like my grandmas house was mostly good bread, flat pop and potpourri. Well forget that this is the Jode-pourri! Where I write a few random thoughts down because my ADHD isn’t allowing me to stop and have a singular focus for my post. Mostly sports, some other stuff.

    Week 1 means nothing. I am not just saying that because my favorite team had -2 yards in the first quarter of their first game, or the fact that they lost by 20 points at home. Its because its such a small sample size and its prime overreacting time. I am going to overreact anyway, its fun. That’s why so many people do it.

    5 Week 1 Thoughts

    1. The 49ers are going to be good. Brock Purdy’s arm looks good but more importantly they have 4 levels of offensive weapons. I have heard from Niners fans that they are worried about the depth of the O-line but outside of that they are absolutely stacked. Evidence from Week 1 points to an NFC Championship rematch with the Eagles.
    2. The Eagles are also going to be good. Jalen Hurts and Kenneth Gainwell won a gross game in New England. It was raining, they honored Tom Brady before the game and there was a warm September rain. It was gross. My favorite kind of weather. New England got down big early and made it a game, but Philly hung on for a nice win. The Eagles have depth on offense that most teams cant match. Great QB, great group of WR, great offensive line. I saw a blurb that said “Philly didn’t look right” uh they won a game on the road in the rain and covered the spread…that’s pretty good in the NFL.
    3. Kirk Cousins is the worst. I did not watch any of the Vikings-Bucs game but you cannot lose at home to Baker Mayfield on a new team. It also ruined my survivor pool entry in Week 1. Someone I was with over the weekend said how they like being out in Week 1 because its “too stressful” oh ok. The NFC North is totally up for grabs, except the Bears. The Bears are a joke again. Chase Claypool has shown the effort of my coworkers at DPW. Just minimal and dumb.
    4. Kenny Pickett and Matt Canada need to get their shit together. I understand the Offensive line did not provide for a decent running game or any time for Kenny to find WR, and Patrick Peterson was victimized by Brandon Aiyuk but that offensive play selection and QB didn’t inspire a ton of Confidence. The Steelers are the only team since the start of 2021 to not have a 400 yard game on offense. Every other team has at least 3….Matt Canada started in his current role in 2021.
    5. Lol Jets. Its almost worse that they pulled that game out. Aaron Rodgers getting injured four play into the season is funny. I know he got hurt but also who cares? The saddest part is that if he could have just played competent Quarterback the rest of their lineup is so good that it would likely make the Jets a playoff team. Now they are stuck with Zach Wilson, I am really enjoying the QB rumors. My favorite idea is Wilson getting benched for Flacco, just insulting.

    We don’t talk enough about how many weathermen/women aren’t even meteorologists. Weather has been in the news due to floods and hurricanes and the ongoing destruction of our planet by like seven billionaire dickheads, This means Al Roker needs to get his weird ass back in front of that green screen and point at large H’s and clouds. Roker has a communications degree; Willard Scott was his predecessor and was Ronald McDonald before the Today Show a literal clown. In Pittsburgh (where I am) Chilly Bill Cardille among other things hosted a late-night horror show with a small man that sold auto parts on Brownsville Road and sponsored my little League team. Jim Cantore must hate these people. Bass Pro Shops hats are the new Von Dutch hats. Its something that only the most basic and scared people would wear. If you wore a Bass Pro Shop hat like 10-15 years ago, I would think “Oh that guy catches and guts catfish” now I know you just listen to Travis Scott and Morgan Wallen. It’s a tell-tale sign that you wait for something sort of offbeat to hit saturation point and now you feel safe wearing it. I wore Velcro shoes when I got to college, people loved it. They were like “oh there’s the Velcro shoe socialist” It was my thing. Have a thing, make it your thing, not other people’s thing.

    For the Vikings Eagles game, bet the over 49. You come for the fashion and I give you so much. Thanks for reading friends.  

  • Jody’s Wonderful 2023 NFL Preview Extravaganza

    Don’t worry you don’t have to spend anymore time with your kids or pretend to enjoy coffee dates with your wife, Roger has finally stepped in and saved us. THE NFL IS BACK! Its so back! We have old quarterbacks in new places, new head coaches that will certainly be terrible and old head coaches that will also be terrible…I am looking at you Ron Rivera. Kansas City was the winner the last time we saw meaningful pro football, they are getting annoying. Kenny Pickett has little hands but a huge heart and his wife makes the furniture buying decisions (insert Levin Commercial). My aunt is adamant that he doesn’t buy his furniture at Levin, to make a compelling advertisement you need have some legitimacy to the claim. I don’t believe that Derek Jeter eats Subway and I don’t believe Kenny Pickett buys furniture at Levin. Even I buy my couches at Valu City, an entire municipality dedicated to great prices! They also gave us a gardening set when we bought our couch. It was as weird as it sounds.  

    NFC Preview

    East

    The Eagles are the class of this division and perhaps the league. Jalen Hurts is the best QB in this division, they have the best wide receiver group, best offensive line and added Jalen Carter to an already very good defense. I would be shocked if the Eagles lose more than 4 games this year. Dallas will compete and may have the Defensive Player of the Year in Micah Parsons but Mike McCarthy is the dumbest coach alive. Not that he is the worst coach alive, just the coach that I think has highest probability of sticking his hand in a blender while its on. Dak Prescott’s cap number in 2024 is going to be $59.5 million, the Cowboys are also going to have to work out deals with Micah Parsons and CeeDee Lamb. It appears that the Cowboys are going to be like me for the first 35 years of my life, big time financial problems. The Ny Giants will not replicate the success they had last year. Daniel Jones does not inspire much confidence and nobody believes he is worth the $160 million he got but sometimes you just got to give a guy the GDP of Kiribati (a small nation in Oceania) when he’s coming off a competent year. The Giants had a mediocre defense last year and start the season with 7 of 11 games on the road. The Philadelphia Eagles are going to win the NFC East easily.

    North

    Detroit is the most over hyped football team of all time. They won a few games last year but Jared Goff is still the QB. I have done a 180 on Dan Campbell, he has the most ridiculous starbucks order of all time, two venti Pike with two shots of espresso in each, I kind of love him.  I thought he would have been fired before Thanksgiving his first season but has won a few games. They added Cam Sutton from Pittsburgh and CJ Gardner Johnson on Defense. Again Jared Goff is the Quarterback. I just don’t trust Detroit. They feel very 7-10  to me. I know they won at KC in Week 1 but that involved Kelce being out, and the WR for KC completely forgetting how to catch.  Minnesota wins this division, total weirdo Kirk Cousins is a pretty good QB and Justin Jefferson is impossible to stop, they also added WR Jordan Addison from USC (Pitt). Chicago and Green Bay have un proven Quarterbacks.

    South

    Tampa is starting Baker Mayfield. Carolina is starting a rookie QB, New Orleans is starting Derek Carr and Atlanta added Bijan Robinson in the draft. New Orleans likely wins this division, I could see Atlanta being somewhat interesting to watch. Tampa and Carolina will be total disasters. This division has a real Saturday afternoon Nickelodeon playoff game vibe, announced by Drake and Josh. I think that was a show. The winner of this division could have a losing record.

    West

    The NFC West has two good teams and two teams which should be relegated to the World Football League. Arizona should not exist, as a football team or a state. People claim its beautiful and maybe it is, but I also feel like its strip malls and Garrison Hearst jerseys. Kyler Murray got hurt late last season and will be out most of this year, that would hurt the Cardinals but he’s terrible so it wont even be a factor. Nobody in their right mind thought he would be good he is also one of the dullest people alive. The Rams are old and old. Aaron Donald is one of the greatest defensive players of all time but has passed his prime, they went all in for a Super Bowl and it worked. They should have never changed their uniforms. If you change an iconic uniform to something modern you should forfeit draft picks. Seattle is going to rely on Geno Smith having another 100+ QBR year, they have decent wide receivers and added Jaxon Smith-Njigba, all time great name. They will finish second because nobody is catching San Francisco if Purdy can just play average QB. Deebo, Aiyuk, CMC, Bosa. Loaded with talent. Bosa got his deal so he will be there for Week 1 but I wonder how long it takes for him to get up to speed. I hope it takes at least one week….

    NFC Playoffs breakdown like this

    1. Eagles
    2. San Francisco
    3. New Orleans
    4. Minnesota
    5. Dallas
    6. Seattle
    7. Green Bay

    Eagles beat the Minnesota in the NFC Championship.  

    AFC

    East

    Is Fireman Ed back? Does anyone care? Does he know how to spell any other words than JETS? Aaron Rodgers should make a decent young team better. Way too much hype but they are a legitimate playoff team. Young great talent on offense, Breece Hall, added Dalvin Cook, Izzy Abinakanda was electric at Pitt Garrett Wilson and Sauce Gardner were named Offensive and Defensive Rookie of the Year. But I should remind everyone that the Jets are still the Jets. I think they make the playoffs but they will not win the Division. Buffalo has Josh Allen and Stefon Diggs but they have a bunch of old mediocre running backs. Miami has the most annoying head coach, he was cute with his weird press conferences but now his schtick is old. He vaped during a playoff game. New England is still going to play Mac Jones. New Englands downfall has not been as satisfying as I thought it would be. Maybe I hated Brady more than I hated Belichik. Buffalo wins the Division and the Jets finish second.  

    North

    My neighbor has been going on and on about how Cincy lost its starting safeties and how they will take a step back. I am inclined to agree, his thoughts on trans folks is bad but his opinions on football are acceptable. Burrow is banged up but caked up, my man got paid, I am sick and tired of how much I like that dude. Bring back Jon Kitna and his terrible parenting. Cincy will finish second, too many holes to fill on defense. Baltimore was ranked 17th in an NFLPA survey of player satisfaction in the offseason, apparently the food at the team facility sucks and the strength and condition program is like a middle school wrestling team. The Ravens drafted Zay Flowers and signed OBJ, also gave Lamar his huge contract. Lamar will be hurt by week 6 and OBJ will be complaining by week 8. Baltimore will be a disaster and I will love it. Cleveland is Cleveland. Watson is a serial pervert. I am bracing for Deshaun Watson to have a good year and the media to frame it as a comeback story and not just a pervert succeeding at athletics. It happens all the time see Roethlisberger, Ben. Nick Chubb will need to run the ball 500 times for them to compete. Expectations in Pittsburgh are higher than Legarrette Blount and Leveon Bell on their way to the airport. A rebuilt inside linebacker group and the draft additions of Joey Porter Jr, Broderick Jones and Mt Darnell Washington have folks in Steelers Nation looking for a 7th Lombardi. Pickett and Pickens should combine for a bunch of TD’s, the major question will be if Matt Canada will take the shackles off Kenny and really give the offense a chance to breathe. I think the Steelers win the Division and that’s mostly because I am a homer but also because the Defense has two if not three All Pro’s and a Quarterback that showed he knows how to win.

    South

    Houston will be a pile of hot garbage. Rookie Quarterback and an anonymous roster will make for a long season. Tennessee drafted Will Levis, no clue if he is good or not. I know everyone says he is a stud but old Jode can’t be fooled and needs to do my own research….. Tannehill will start the season and Derrick Henry is like my third grade teacher, ridden hard and put away wet. Indianapolis is a candidate for worst team in the league, Jim Irsay is now the craziest NFL owner due to Dan Synder’s forced departure. I guess Jacksonville wins this division? Yes read that again: Jacksonville wins this division. Doug Pederson is a good coach and Trevor Lawrence is a good quarterback. I just don’t think anyone should be allowed to win this division because all these teams are garbage.

    West

    Kansas City wins by a landslide. This division isn’t even worth writing about. The demise of the Chiefs has been vastly overstated. They are the new Patriots, they lull you to sleep and everyone hot takes how they are done (see opening night game against the Lions) and then you wake up from a Hormel Chili induced coma in late January and they are still standing there over your clammy body. Denver has the cringeiest QB in history. Vegas has the sexiest quarterback in history. The Chargers have a bottom 3 coach. He blew a 27 point lead at Jacksonville in the playoffs. Staley sucks.  

    AFC Playoffs

    1. Kansas City
    2. Pittsburgh
    3. Buffalo
    4. Jacksonville
    5. Cincinatti
    6. Jets
    7. Miami…?

    Kansas City over Pittsburgh in the AFC Championship game.

    Philly gets revenge and wins another Superbowl and they destroy the city because people from Philadelphia are as wild as the stereotype.

    Week 1 Best Bets

    If you can’t get to your local Cherry Master to win some cash you can just place some responsible wagers on these games. Odds are from future sponsor of the blog and my lake house Draft Kings.

    49ers at Steelers

    The pick is Steelers +2, From CBS Sports Tomlin is 13-4-3 ATS (77%) and 12-8 SU (60%) in his career as a home dog. That’s the best SU and ATS record as a home underdog by any head coach since 1970. Bosa on a snap count, Watt fully healthy and Brock Purdy with a new rebuilt arm. I like the Steelers SU, but take a couple of points if they are offering them. Also throw a little change on George Pickens O/U 4.5 TDs for the season. I think he gets closer to 10 than he does 4.

    Bengals at Browns

    The pick is Browns +2. A good bet should make you a little sick. This bet makes me a little sick. I could see this game being 3-3 at half time or I could see it Bengals 24-7 at half. I don’t trust Burrows wonky leg. This is a classic Davin gagger. When I drank if I smelled whiskey I would start gagging and then work on not vomiting for the next ten minutes, this game is smelling whiskey. Its tough for three hours but eventually you get to eat pizza and go to bed.

    Happy Week 1 Everybody!

    Picture of my father playing the Cherry Master at Slicks on Christmas Eve 1996.

  • Stick a fork in em, the Bucs are done.

    The Good, the bad and the ugly. The Pirates have very little of the first and a ton of the second and third.  

    Gran Torino was not a good movie.

    My wife and I went to the theatre to see that Clint Eastwood movie where he’s a racist and gets shot, Gland Torpedo, a guy sitting next to us repeated every line Eastwood said, even the racist ones. He also cried when Clint got shot at the end. Sorry for ruining the movie for you. I think the point of the film was that Clint Eastwood is Jesus? I know those are two different Clint Eastwood movies but The Good, the Bad and The Ugly reminded me of that guy crying. Gran Torino has received negative feedback for being a vehicle for racist Asian jokes. Read more here.

    Back to baseball. This team sucks. The 2023 Pirates season is over.  April and May were nice, June was a reality check and July through September will be hell on earth. The Pirates have played a little above their weight thanks to a nice April and May but have drastically regressed and will continue to come back down to earth, through the crust, upper mantle and then fully into the burning molten center. Four years into the Cherington GM tenure and there has been little to no progress. GMBC has been the GM of exactly one team that didn’t finish in last place in their division, he somehow finished dead last multiple times with the Red Sox payroll? Cutch’s return has been somewhat fun, he seems to have his legs back but the lack of hitting, bullpen depth and having a bunch of dudes with 4+ ERA’s in the rotation has led to another 100 loss season. I thought they would be better, sorry kiddos I was wrong. Mark it down, it doesn’t happen often.  

    First the very few good things that have happened this year:

    Ben Cherrington picked the right guy with the first pick in the MLB draft and took LSU Pitcher Paul Skenes, yay! It was an easy choice; he should not be celebrated for making the reasonable decision but it’s still good news. Throw a parade. The standard is the standard, which happens to be very low. 

    Nick Gonzalez has been sort of competent, he’s also old as fuck. No other team considers 24-year-olds that hit like .240 prospects, but hey this was supposed to be positive! I don’t have high hopes for him but he doesn’t seem terrible which is a minor step in the right direction.

    Henry Davis seems to be able to hit, he cannot play catcher or even play right field so that’s sort of a bummer. I like that he doesn’t waste time with batting gloves. Total cool baseball guy move, I project that he will be a big pine tar helmet guy and perhaps later on an unbuttoned top button guy.

    They signed Bryan Reynolds who is a decent centerfielder. Good player that also seems like a good guy. He needs to play better.

    This guy was so bad he had to leave the country.

    And now the bad….

    Kebryan Hayes sucks. He is a bust, John Wehner holds the record for most games played at 3rd base without an error – 99 games- Jeff Cirillo was on the cusp of breaking it when he literally got an error in the record breaking game. Kebryan Hayes was not drafted to be Jeff Cirillo or John Wehner, he was drafted to be a good hitting corner infielder, he is all glove and no bat. The Pirates did draft him nearly 30 slots too high, he was projected as the 57th prospect and was picked at 32 so this is also their fault.  Hayes has join the list of ill fated jersey purchases, I also own a Devin Bush jersey. A close friend owns an Eric Tangradi jersey. We make bad choices. Hayes will hit .240 and 17 home runs for the rest of his career but will make nice plays at third when he isn’t injured. Mediocrity rules!

    Their pitching mostly sucks outside of Mitch Keller and who knows how long he is going to be around. He looks like he’s pitching his way out of Pittsburgh and with their track record of either not signing guys or signing the wrong guys, I have no faith he will either stay here, or pitch well if he stays here. He has rounded into form after hearing about him for years. They have Bednar who is a shut down closer and guess what? There are trade rumors around him! Yay a good local product has shown to be a good MLB player so he needs to go play somewhere else, they just need to get 16 yr old kids to stock their system. Bednar is under team control for like 4 more years, I thought that was the whole point of having cheap young talent? Maybe they just don’t give a shit.

    And now the UGLY…

    Derek Shelton should not be in charge of a low volume Dollar General. Also do not go to the Dollar General on Banksville Road. It was like a hurricane went thru there and they were just like “yeah we had a hurricane come thru in 2009, what do you want?” I went in there for some cleaning products and this guy was working the register, or at least a guy wearing the same shirt.

    Shelton has the same winning percentage as John Russell. I understand that he does not have the 1998 Yankees lineup but he cannot manage at all. There must be some responsibility on the manager to know when to pull guys and manage a lineup. He cannot do either. He was also given an extension after a half decent first month of the season. Was there a huge demand for managers with no winning seasons and below .400 winning percentages? Ben Cherington and Derek Shelton do not inspire much hope in me. I hope I am wrong, but I wont be. They have lost 5 of 6 out of the All Star break and have been embarrassingly bad. I am pretty sure Quinn Priester is still on the mound giving up bombs to the Guardians….

  • Winter Storm Toby

    Winter Storm Toby

    This really sucks. We had to put down our sweet baby boy Toby. We named Toby after the winter storm, I am an ego maniac and my nickname since birth has been Toby. That name has transferred all meaning to my baby boy husky. He owns the name Toby. We always envisioned a world where we would be able to take him on walks and vacations and camping trips, that was rarely the case. From the very beginning he exhibited signs of aggression that were outside of the normal puppy behavior. He bit my cheek the night before the biggest meeting of my career. I looked like a prize fighter when I met with the federal auditor reviewing the program I oversaw. But he was so damn cute and so damn funny and so damn smart. Toby filled a major void in our hearts when we realized we wouldn’t be able to have children without expensive and potentially unsuccessful treatments for fertility. He then became a burden that kept us from being able to move our family planning forward with adoption. We worked with trainers and behaviorists and pharmacists and finally had to make the brutal decision to euthanize our wonderful sweet happy funny but ultimately scared aggressive dangerous Toby.

    I must remind myself this is the best option for everyone. We gave him chance after chance and hoped and explained away his poor behavior. The final straw came about two months ago, I was laying on my office floor after a workout stretching my creaky back and legs. He came up to me and started snuggling me with his head and begging for pets. I knew to do this somewhat cautiously, so I didn’t give in right away and then I finally petted him a few times under his chin where he normally takes pets really well, with no warning he snapped and clamped down on my right hand. He didn’t let go. It bled and bled. My hand still has a scar from the bite. This was not the first bite, he had bit me many times and unfortunately bit a few others. A couple months before this bite he was at Puppy Camp – a place that he always behaved and the people there loved him – we got a call that he bit an employee and would not be allowed back. I knew that we would likely be facing the situation that we are currently in. I desperately wanted this to work, I spent hours working with him and trying to get him to play again and do all the things he did the first 12-16 months we had him. He was a different dog. He no longer wanted to play and he no longer took pets and he no longer caught frisbee. Toby had become dangerous.

    Putting down a dog that is physically healthy seems especially cruel, to both the dog and the owners. Not seeing him limp around or whine or lick wounds doesn’t provide the reminder that he is hurting like anything else. His brain is hurting. He fears everything; he is constantly vigilant. I keep asking myself if there was more that could have been done, I am sure there was. Somewhat paradoxically I know that we did everything that we could have. We finally met with some incredibly compassionate behaviorists at THE Ohio State University. They asked us questions about his behavior and his history and gave us the reality of the situation. They gave us the option of a behavior plan but said that he was in the top 1-5% of cases for aggression and that euthanasia would be our best option, for Toby and us. Wow BEST, I wish I had a larger vocabulary, doesn’t feel like the best anything. We wanted to hear from professionals that knew this type of thing, the most accurate indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

    This is simultaneously the worst and most humane thing to do. He wants to rest and we need to let him rest. We haven’t taken a vacation in a year, we don’t host gatherings anymore, we don’t even allow guests inside our home. Our quality of life has dropped significantly as we tip toe around Toby and his aggression. His quality of life has suffered as well. He wont allow us to leash him for walks, he doesn’t want to play frisbee, his world has become so small. Toby was the bridge between phases in our life, he taught us patience and love and responsibility and how to make hard decisions even when they aren’t fun or feel good. He was so important to me and my wife and my growth as a human. That can never be taken away nor will it be forgotten. I write this with tears pouring down my face, I have been crying for weeks about this. I know eventually I will be ok and I have moments of peace knowing that my life can go forward and he can feel relief, but this really sucks. If you have a doggy that allows you to hold them, please do. Sorry Millie but you are about to get absolutely smothered with snuggles. I love you Toby. (he probably cant read or have access to this blog in heaven, but I wanted to say it in case he does). 

    I choose to remember these times. He was funny and bad and would arrange bones that he hid in our couch out like a threat. He danced with me to a streamed Dropkick Murphy’s concert during the early days of the pandemic. I love that dude. I’m gonna love him forever.

  • A year without booze, sobriety rules!

    My year without alcohol and some lessons learned.

    I haven’t had a drink in a year. Its a pretty good feeling. I was kind of sick a few weeks back and bitched and moaned like a baby because I hate being sick. I couldn’t imagine a hangover now. I would rather be that guy that had to cut his arm off with a rock or whatever in that canyon.

    I won’t lecture you on why you should stop drinking but I wanted to share my story about my own journey with alcoholism and eventual sobriety. I grew up in a house with a raging alcoholic father and always hated when he drank. When he was sober he was just kind of dumb and funny, but when he was drunk he was a monster. I remember thinking “I’m never going to be like that, I wont ever drink.” You can probably guess that I did not stick to the plan.

    Not a stock photo, totally real photo.

    I remember really enjoying the feeling of being drunk when I was a teenager. I was relatively responsible, and I usually chalked up my bad behavior to just being eccentric. I loved attention and doing outlandish things. I never drank before school or at school or during the week but by the time Friday night rolled around, I was drinking. Saturday? I was drinking. But on Sundays I respected the sabbath and took the day off.

    When I went to college, I was already a seasoned drinker. I ended up in the hospital my freshman year for drinking too much but otherwise never had any major consequences from drinking. A normal person would stop and say “wait you were in the fucking hospital, that is a consequence,” but I was never arrested for being drunk, never got a DUI, never crashed a car, etc. There were some fights, but that was part of being in a fraternity, right? I finished school with a tremendously low GPA and I blamed it on immaturity and depression, not drinking. It couldn’t be the drinking.

    When I graduated, I moved to DC and got a shitty job, moved back to PGH and got a shittier job. I had my own apartment, girlfriend, career, I was doing ok. I convinced myself that drinking wasn’t a problem, but I knew in the back of my mind that it was. I got a better job, we got married, we bought a house, had issues with infertility, got some dogs, got depressed and anxious, started and finished grad school, landed a better job…and I was still convinced that my success and resume meant that I could not possibly have a drinking problem.

    My drinking would have been considered alcoholic behavior by the NIH or CDC, but I kept it in check for the most part…. When the pandemic hit, I felt like I had been handed a blank check to drink 5-6 nights a week. At this time my job was relatively easy so waking up in zombie mode and getting through the day was no problem. I hated that job and myself, so drinking was a way to numb my feelings. I would go through phases where I would say “I am not drinking during the week” but after like two weeks I would find an excuse to drink. My wife and I planned on a move to Chicago after I landed a job there and as the stress mounted and the move date was getting closer, I was drinking more and more. I woke up one Sunday (March 20, 2022, for those keeping score) and realized I had enough. Alcohol had ruined my weekend. I was sick of feeling like shit and making the people around me feel like shit.

    I finally admitted to my wife something she probably knew for a long time; I am an alcoholic. I was so nervous about what that statement said about me, but it ended up being liberating. It felt like I lifted a 50lb weight off my shoulders. No more drunk math, no more counting drinks and then blowing past my self-imposed limit, no more worrying about if alcohol would be at events, no more worrying about who would drive, no more of all the other shit that goes along with an addiction. Moderation is bullshit, for me at least.

    I can honestly say that removing alcohol from my life has been the single best decision I have ever made. More important than getting married to my amazing wife, more important than any career choice I have ever made, more important than adopting my asshole dogs. Without the removal of alcohol all those things would have eventually gone away. I don’t want to give the impression that sobriety solves all problems, it just makes them much more manageable.

    I don’t want to villainize the person I was before I got sober. I am still the same person. I think there is a tendency to apply a reductionist approach to sobriety vs active addiction. That person that was drinking was so bad, but this sober person is so good. It’s not that simple. I was a decent person before, even when drinking. I am a flawed person in sobriety. We are all complex individuals dealing with complex shit, handling it in the best way we can.

    I was so worried I would not be funny or creative or social or enjoy things. I am funnier (I think so). I am more creative. I do social things (I avoid things as well) and I love doing so many things I totally forgot I loved doing! I don’t waste time sitting at bars with people I don’t really like or going to events I don’t want to be at just to get drunk. Sobriety has allowed me to reclaim my time.

    I still get cravings for alcohol but they have been short lived and always pass. I drink a shitload of sparkling water, diet coke, or a fancy topo chico on a Friday night if I am feeling frisky, and I have found that I enjoy at least 2 pots of coffee a day.  I listen to sobriety podcasts, read, go for walks, run, lift weights, skateboard and go fishing; I am falling in love with my hobbies again. It’s like discovering new things but you already have all the apparatuses. On a typical Thursday night I would have had 100 beers and watched basketball, but a few weeks ago I randomly went to the skatepark at 8 pm on a Thursday instead. It’s all about changing the patterns that lead to drinking. It’s also about embracing boredom and peace. Life doesn’t have to be one chaotic adventure to the next. Sometimes it can just be listening to music in the kitchen with a sparkling water or feeding your dogs treats.

    I also think its important to highlight the time between drunk episodes during my active alcoholism, even days without alcohol I was a miserable pissy pants dickhead. I would guess that my brain was constantly in an anxious state. I have found that even the times that I would normally not be drunk to be far more enjoyable. Now Tuesday’s rule! Thank God it’s Tuesday! TGIT!

    I know I said I wouldn’t lecture but if you are worried about being bored in sobriety or that you won’t be funny or have fun or whatever, you will. It might be boring at first but eventually you will find better coping strategies. If you are struggling and want to talk about getting sober, reach out; I love talking. I would love to talk to you, and we can chat about some of the things that helped me get off the sauce. I am not a professional so my experiences and advice might suck major ass. I just wanted to let people know that I understand how lonely this can be.

    I love lists so here’s a bunch of benefits of sobriety:

    1. I am less of an asshole. Still an asshole sometimes, but less.
    2. I wake up super early, my god I have so much time. Too much time.
    3. I finish projects now.
    4. I read books, not constantly like an English teacher or something, but I read way more.
    5. I started a blog. I have wanted to write about sports and culture for a while and never had the focus to even start the process.
    6. I have lost like 50lbs.
    7. I don’t eat like shit anymore (weird).
    8. I workout 5-6 days a week and enjoy it.
    9. I let slights or perceived slights roll off my back easier.
    10. I don’t hate myself (big one); I would literally wake up and say “You are a piece of shit.” That’s ridiculous! I am not a piece of shit! I am a human. A good human.
    11. I don’t waste money at bars I hate with people I don’t like.
    12. I don’t waste time. I can attend a football game and then go home and go for a run. That’s wild! I would go to Steelers/Pitt games and be down for the rest of the day/next day. Now I can drive to the gym or go to the grocery store. I snuck a can of diet coke into the last Steeler game I went to. I AM A WILD MAN!!!!!!
    Life now that I’ve stopped drinking. Constantly riding my bike with Micayla in a field.

    That was kind of all over the place, but I just wanted to share that it is possible to stop drinking and life does get much better.