The Big Game is here! I think I am safe to use Super Bowl but I wont because this could be the break I need and don’t want my wonderful writing to be scrubbed from the World Wide Web. This is the last meaningful game for a long time so please blow right past your responsible gambling limits and eat all the pork your stupid face can stand. Nepo Baby Kyle Shanahan tried his hardest to ruin the 49ers chance to play in the Super Bowl, his squad looked like trash for 6 quarters in the playoffs and needed two epic collapses to get here. Kansas City on the other hand couldn’t stop the Bills run game early but escaped Buffalo on a kick that sailed wide right…yeah we know. Then they went to Charm City and out classed Baltimore from the middle of the first quarter until the end of the game. It is not difficult to have more class than something from Baltimore, I stepped on a dead rat during the Baltimore Half Marathon (I PR’d, nbd). This was Mahomes first time in the Playoffs on the road and it did not seem to bother him even a little bit. Speaking of going on the road, his dad should probably stay off it.
Kansas City Chiefs vs San Fransisco 49ers
Sunday February 11, 2024
Kick off: 6:35pm CBS I think…..
Line: SF -2 (-105)
I think the pick is so obvious that I am second guessing myself. I just don’t see how you can look at this game and line up Purdy vs Mahomes and think that Purdy wins. The 49ers offense is stacked with 4 AP All Pro’s, but I just don’t trust that a slow start wont happen for the 3rd game in a row. If they get behind Kansas City they wont be facing a de facto rookie Quarterback or a Detroit Lions team that did not know what to do when they were unexpectedly up double digit points. Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes are two of the greatest of all time at what they do. They are to Football what Kung Fu Joe was to being a security guard to a fake burger King in Southside.
I will not cite Andy Reid’s record off a bye as a reason to bet on Kansas City because when the other team has a bye it’s not that impressive, just 3-4. His record is impressive when his team has a bye only. Kansas City has a better player at the most important position, Quarterback. San Francisco’s Defense is also sputtering, they are ranked 21st in EPA/play from weeks 12-17 (excluded week 18 for obvious reasons) and the playoffs. When you trim the data further to just the playoffs the 49ers Defensive Rush Success Rate is the second worst of all 14 teams to make the playoffs. This defense sucks right now and unfortunately, they are playing the greatest QB and Tight End combo we have seen since prime Brady Gronk. I think Kansas City wins. Mahomes wins MVP, Kelce kisses Taylor and everyone goes home happy, well other than 49ers FAITHFUL!!!! FAITHFUL. How stupid is that? Something to look for during the broadcast is Jim Nantz awkwardly calling Kansas City Defensive Coordinator Steve Spagnualo by his nickname “Spags.” Its uncomfortable, you are not on the team, you are maybe his friend but we are not so its weird. Stop it Jim.
Prop Bets
Now we make some money!
Don’t bet stupid shit like Gatorade color, coin flip, or national anthem – of course I will be betting those things but don’t be like me, be smarter than me.
All odds from DraftKings SportsBook, use my code MILKYJODE for absolutely nothing.
Isiah Pacheco Anytime TD Scorer (-120)
This is a nice safe one, you want to build a card that has some winners. This wont pay off your matching his and hers Quads but it will help you feel a little satisfied if everything else goes sideways. He is the featured back for KC and I mentioned that shitty run defense of SF. He has scored in all three of Kansas City’s playoff games this year. HAMMER THIS ONE. THIS IS THE JODE TODD GRAHAM LEFT LANE HAMMER DOWN BET OF THE CENTURY!!!!
Patrick Mahomes Anytime TD Scorer (+400)
This means he has to carry the ball into the endzone not a passing touchdown. He scored on a bootleg the last time these two teams played in the Big Game so this is a nice payout for a Quarterback that can move.
Kansas City to win the First Half (+105)
The 49ers have forgotten about the first half of both of their playoff games this season. I just think Kansas City will come out strong and this pays plus money so I would sprinkle a little on this one.
First Scoring Play Field Goal (+135)
This has a 50% success rate in the last 4 super Bowls and a 100% success rate in the previous match up between these two teams in 54. Plus money on a boring play nobody wants is a winner. If a touchdown is scored you get the excitement, if its not then you get the money. I also think these offenses will start somewhat slow and will take points early.
Will the last play of the game be a kneel YES (-215)
If the game is a blow out or you just don’t care about the final score this will keep you watching literally to the end. I have no stats on this one nor does it matter, this is GAMBLING BABY! Shop this one around, I have seen it listed as plus money at some books. Become an informed consumer.
RECIPE TIME
Look I know you didn’t ask but you really need to spread the tortilla chips out and not pile them up. Literally the second layer of chips is just a hot chip with nothing on it. I would even suggest taking the time to spoon salsa individually on each chip and then layer the cheese. It makes for a better product and nobody goes home thinking “that guy served me naked hot chips and called it nachos, what a fraud!”
Recipe
Some Chips
Some Salsa
Some Cheese (Mexican blend is fine, shredding your own is better but whatever dude)
Maybe some jalapenos
Lay down the chips on a sheet tray, put little dollops of salsa on each chip, throw the cheese on them put this in the oven and then when it comes out put sour cream in an old syrup or ketchup bottle and loudly shoot it on the chips.
Enjoy the Superbowl and nobody cares that you “are only watching for the commercials” you are now known as a mark.
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