I could not care any less about this super bowl. Super Bowl implies something great in the title, this aint it. I am tired of Kansas City, I am sick of Jalen Hurts, I can’t wait for the NFL offseason. Having said that, please enjoy this mediocre blog about the big game.
Nobody wanted this matchup, we are all tired of the chiefs, nobody likes Philly and I hear they don’t even care. I would rather watch the Commanders, Lions, Bills, Ravens and Texans in this game. Even Minnesota or either LA team would create more interest. We have seen both teams hundreds of times the last few seasons and do not need to see them again. Maybe I won’t watch, maybe I will go to one of those Public Radio anti-super bowl parties. Do they have gambling at these things?
Sean McDermott needs fired, I said this a few weeks back that he was a mediocre coach. Josh Allen won MVP in an upset over Lamar Jackson and I guess Saquan Barkley (he didn’t have a chance) and yet Buffalo still could not beat KC. The ran the same QB sneak to the same side dozens of times and got stopped. He has taken the Bills as far as he can, they need somebody new.
While I hate this Superbowl, it is absolutely the two best teams of the 2024 NFL Season. Mahomes is amazing, Saquan is amazing. KC Defense is outstanding, Philadelphia’s Defense is outstanding. Jalen Hurts is very mid. The Tush Push should be banned. KC will win this game throwing like 10 lob passes to TE’s and WR. I hate everything.
Please stop doing the Tomahawk Chop. Also it would be great if the networks stopped showing it. When a drunk idiot runs on the field the cameras cut to anything, guys picking their noses. The announcers act like Budd Dwyer just shot himself again and everyone clutches their pearls. When 80,000 drunk morons mock native American culture we just say “look at the passion Jim! These people love this team!” Its time to stop doing it and for tv to stop showing it. I know I AM PART OF THE WOKE LIBERAL MEDIA!!!
The NFL will not be painting “End Racism” in the endzone this weekend for the Super Bowl. This is probably no big deal; it did not end racism nor did it even move the needle toward ending racism. I don’t think if my paternal grandfather was still living and he sat down and watched a game, saw “end racism” in the endzone he would suddenly be enlightened and not offended by mixed race couples. I do find the timing weird. Again, I do not think this in any way created meaningful change, I think it was a marketing gimmick, but if you wanted to stop painting It why not wait until the season is over and just don’t do it anymore come September? Why now? The NFL claims it’s not because Trump is attending the super bowl. Doesn’t that say something? If a specific human is attending a specific game, you need to ask “is this why they don’t want to end racism anymore? Or even reference racism?” Hmmmm. Donny is a racist, he has made ending DEIA and fanning the flames of bigotry a pillar of his second term. I’m sure its just a coincidence.
Big Game prediction
The Chiefs are going to win because only bad things happen and everything sucks. I hope everyone enjoys the big game! Here’s a recipe for pigs in a blanket! Andy Reid would love these!
We’re back for the first Jode-pourri of the year. 5 big ideas and an NFL Wild Card Preview/Picks!
The Steelers stink. They are a rotten piece of fruit collecting flies and smelling like death. Their offense is terrible which creates an impossible situation for the defense. The Bengals had the ball for twice as long as the Steelers on Saturday, no defense can thrive in that situation. The shine has come off Russell Wilson, he is holding the ball forever, missing open wide receivers and making poorly timed mistakes. The two minute drill at the end of the Bengals game was atrocious, I would have had more confidence in Bruce Gradkowski. George Pickens is certifiably insane, he’s got AB attitude with Markus Wheaton’s resume. Pickens is a total headcase, he had 1 reception for 0 yards. 0 yards. He tried to fight a fan, had 4 drops and made zero impact on a critical game. He’s clearly quit. The defense is not completely without blame, DC Teryl Austin (Mike Tomlin) determined that Cory Trice – a 7th round pick making his first NFL start – should cover the best WR in the NFL.
Tomlin needs to go. His regular season success is undeniable, but he has not won a playoff game since the 2016 season and nobody has taken the Steelers seriously as Super Bowl contenders for the better part of a decade. His team enters the playoffs as the biggest fraud in the NFL for what feels like the 7th or 8th time. Its like when someone walks a 5k, yes they got the shirt and completed the 3.1 miles, but did they really do a 5k? This season was somewhat different as they took care of business early but have been leaking gravy since Thanksgiving. Its no surprise they are the biggest underdog of the week at +9.5 (some have it at +10) at Baltimore. The organizational philosophy is massively flawed for professional football in 2024. Its defense first, in a scoring league. You would love to have a shut down defense, but you also need a dynamic offense. Tomlin refuses to get with the times and continues to live on a reputation that was earned from 2007-2011. The tagline “Steelers have only had 3 head coaches since 1969” is now the tail wagging the dog. Tomlin is a great coach, I know this because the national media has crowned him year after year for some reason, but his time in Pittsburgh has come and gone.
Sullivan needs to go. Mike Sullivan is the greatest coach in Penguins history, he has more wins, more cups and has survived longer than any coach in franchise history. Herb Brooks and Scotty Bowman were incredible coaches but did not have the same run in Pittsburgh that Sullivan had. Slow starts, soft defense and a lack of scoring have plagued this team for the better part of 5 years. I really like Sully, I know that means a lot to him, coming from someone as important as me, but he needs to be shown the door. Of course this team wins random games like Thursday night against Edmonton which only further muddies the path going forward as buyers or sellers…..hockey purgatory.
Pitt basketball is an NIT Team. Jeff Capel has restored Pitt to its mid – late 90’s mediocrity. That’s actually a compliment, he was left with the barest of cabinets after taking over for Jacob’s dad, Kevin Stallings. The Panthers have won a bunch of games this season, have a good record, but have been smoked twice this season and will likely miss the NCAA tournament. Capel has done a good job developing and keeping talent which is no small task in the transfer portal era. They just don’t have a reliable big man and if they can’t shoot they cant find other ways to win. Duke exposed them and the ACC is too weak this season to provide for more quality wins. Pitt basketball is stable and in a good place, good job Capel.
The New England Patriots demise has been less satisfying than I thought it would be. I guess Brady leaving NE and winning in Tampa and then Belichick leaving shortly after sort of ruined this for me. I needed to see a Brady-Belichick-Kraft disaster season where Brady was slyly calling out Belichick and then Belichick was calling out Kraft and then Kraft calling out Belichick and them getting destroyed at home by the Jets. It just ended and we never got to see them all go down in flames. Sports can be unsatisfying in that way.
Wild Card preview and Picks
Media outlets need to stop referring to the NFL Playoffs as a bracket, its not a bracket. After the Wild Card round the teams are reseeded, a bracket does not reseed. Please stop doing this if you are a media member that is reading this. I know many do.
Saturday January 11, 2025
4:30pm 5. Chargers (-3) vs No. 4 Texans
The Texans are legally obligated to play at 4:30 on the first Saturday of the NFL Playoffs. The Chargers are a better team with a better coach. Harbaugh has them trending up, I would not be surprised if they win a Super Bowl within the next 3 seasons. They win easily 28-14. Chargers -3.
8pm No. 6 Steelers at No. 3 Ravens (-10)
The Steelers should leave at halftime, warm up the busses. They will lose this game by at least two touchdowns. Tomlin’s “genius” defense allowed 5.8 ypc last time these two teams met just a couple weeks ago, this game will be over before it starts. The Ravens are on the upswing and the Steelers are that Italian cruise ship that was sideways. Ravens win 37-10 and it won’t even be that close. If you find someone to take a bet on a Pickens melt down put your life savings on it. Ravens -17 million.
Sunday January 12, 2025
1pm No. 7 Broncos at No. 2 Bills (-9)
I am still of the opinion that Sean McDermott is one of the most overrated coaches in the NFL. He is entering Mike McCarthy territory, great QB and nothing to show for it. The Bills have Josh Allen and have made as many super bowl appearances as I have. Bills win but don’t cover. Broncos +9 is the play.
4:30pm No. 7 Packers at No. 2 Eagles (-5)
Packers are super hurt and the Eagles are very good. Most complete team in football, if Hurts is fully healthy I don’t anticipate this being a close game. Jordan Love hurt his elbow, which I have heard is important to throwing a football. Green Bay’s best WR blew out his ACL, which I have heard is important to running routes and catching footballs. Those two things make Green Bay an easy target for a very good Eagles team that should be around come Championship weekend. Eagles -5 is the pick, I would even bet them up to -9.
8pm No. 6 Commanders at No. 3 Buccaneers (-3)
I have no clue on this one. Just straight guessing, from The Athletic “Since 2000, rookie quarterbacks are 10-16 in playoff games.” So I guess the Commanders are at a slight disadvantage but the seem to be the more complete team. Tampa always gets in the playoffs in part at least because their division is terrible. This is the first time since 2012 (Wilson, Luck, Griffin III) that multiple rookie QB’s are making playoff starts. I guess I trust Baker Mayfield more than Jayden Daniels, but Tampa didn’t impress me in Week 18 and I NEED IMPRESSED DAMMIT! IMPRESS ME! I guess Bucs -3 is the pick, but maybe just save your money and put it into a Vanguard index fund, great returns and low expense ratios. #notanad
Monday January 13, 2025
No. 5 Vikings (-2.5) at No. 4 Rams
The NFL does not need to have playoff games on Monday Night Football. If you would have told me when I was a child that Monday Night Football would have playoff games I would have lost my mind, I would have also lost my mind to find out that Sega Channel would not be around forever. This game was moved from LA to Arizona due to the wildfires. Minnesota winning 14 games and having to open on the road is nuts. The Rams are finally fully healthy on offense and while I love Kevin Oconnell in Minnesota, I think the QB and Coach advantage is squarely with the Rams on this one. Minnesota’s offense looked terrible last week in a must win game at Detroit. The Rams are going to rely on former Steeler great Ahkello Witherspoon to cover Jefferson or Addison, so I guess I would pick Minnesota….I just hate both sides here. Maybe just save your money.
Well there you have it, sports opinions that the world desperately need to read. I am going to attempt to do this more regularly, I wrote it on my 2025 goals list so I will no doubt accomplish it!……
*edit to correct Sean McVay to Sean McDermott….ugh.
The Big Game is here! I think I am safe to use Super Bowl but I wont because this could be the break I need and don’t want my wonderful writing to be scrubbed from the World Wide Web. This is the last meaningful game for a long time so please blow right past your responsible gambling limits and eat all the pork your stupid face can stand. Nepo Baby Kyle Shanahan tried his hardest to ruin the 49ers chance to play in the Super Bowl, his squad looked like trash for 6 quarters in the playoffs and needed two epic collapses to get here. Kansas City on the other hand couldn’t stop the Bills run game early but escaped Buffalo on a kick that sailed wide right…yeah we know. Then they went to Charm City and out classed Baltimore from the middle of the first quarter until the end of the game. It is not difficult to have more class than something from Baltimore, I stepped on a dead rat during the Baltimore Half Marathon (I PR’d, nbd). This was Mahomes first time in the Playoffs on the road and it did not seem to bother him even a little bit. Speaking of going on the road, his dad should probably stay off it.
Kansas City Chiefs vs San Fransisco 49ers
Sunday February 11, 2024
Kick off: 6:35pm CBS I think…..
Line: SF -2 (-105)
I think the pick is so obvious that I am second guessing myself. I just don’t see how you can look at this game and line up Purdy vs Mahomes and think that Purdy wins. The 49ers offense is stacked with 4 AP All Pro’s, but I just don’t trust that a slow start wont happen for the 3rd game in a row. If they get behind Kansas City they wont be facing a de facto rookie Quarterback or a Detroit Lions team that did not know what to do when they were unexpectedly up double digit points. Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes are two of the greatest of all time at what they do. They are to Football what Kung Fu Joe was to being a security guard to a fake burger King in Southside.
I will not cite Andy Reid’s record off a bye as a reason to bet on Kansas City because when the other team has a bye it’s not that impressive, just 3-4. His record is impressive when his team has a bye only. Kansas City has a better player at the most important position, Quarterback. San Francisco’s Defense is also sputtering, they are ranked 21st in EPA/play from weeks 12-17 (excluded week 18 for obvious reasons) and the playoffs. When you trim the data further to just the playoffs the 49ers Defensive Rush Success Rate is the second worst of all 14 teams to make the playoffs. This defense sucks right now and unfortunately, they are playing the greatest QB and Tight End combo we have seen since prime Brady Gronk. I think Kansas City wins. Mahomes wins MVP, Kelce kisses Taylor and everyone goes home happy, well other than 49ers FAITHFUL!!!! FAITHFUL. How stupid is that? Something to look for during the broadcast is Jim Nantz awkwardly calling Kansas City Defensive Coordinator Steve Spagnualo by his nickname “Spags.” Its uncomfortable, you are not on the team, you are maybe his friend but we are not so its weird. Stop it Jim.
Prop Bets
Now we make some money!
Don’t bet stupid shit like Gatorade color, coin flip, or national anthem – of course I will be betting those things but don’t be like me, be smarter than me.
All odds from DraftKings SportsBook, use my code MILKYJODE for absolutely nothing.
Isiah Pacheco Anytime TD Scorer (-120)
This is a nice safe one, you want to build a card that has some winners. This wont pay off your matching his and hers Quads but it will help you feel a little satisfied if everything else goes sideways. He is the featured back for KC and I mentioned that shitty run defense of SF. He has scored in all three of Kansas City’s playoff games this year. HAMMER THIS ONE. THIS IS THE JODE TODD GRAHAM LEFT LANE HAMMER DOWN BET OF THE CENTURY!!!!
Patrick Mahomes Anytime TD Scorer (+400)
This means he has to carry the ball into the endzone not a passing touchdown. He scored on a bootleg the last time these two teams played in the Big Game so this is a nice payout for a Quarterback that can move.
Kansas City to win the First Half (+105)
The 49ers have forgotten about the first half of both of their playoff games this season. I just think Kansas City will come out strong and this pays plus money so I would sprinkle a little on this one.
First Scoring Play Field Goal (+135)
This has a 50% success rate in the last 4 super Bowls and a 100% success rate in the previous match up between these two teams in 54. Plus money on a boring play nobody wants is a winner. If a touchdown is scored you get the excitement, if its not then you get the money. I also think these offenses will start somewhat slow and will take points early.
Will the last play of the game be a kneel YES (-215)
If the game is a blow out or you just don’t care about the final score this will keep you watching literally to the end. I have no stats on this one nor does it matter, this is GAMBLING BABY! Shop this one around, I have seen it listed as plus money at some books. Become an informed consumer.
RECIPE TIME
Look I know you didn’t ask but you really need to spread the tortilla chips out and not pile them up. Literally the second layer of chips is just a hot chip with nothing on it. I would even suggest taking the time to spoon salsa individually on each chip and then layer the cheese. It makes for a better product and nobody goes home thinking “that guy served me naked hot chips and called it nachos, what a fraud!”
Recipe
Some Chips
Some Salsa
Some Cheese (Mexican blend is fine, shredding your own is better but whatever dude)
Maybe some jalapenos
Lay down the chips on a sheet tray, put little dollops of salsa on each chip, throw the cheese on them put this in the oven and then when it comes out put sour cream in an old syrup or ketchup bottle and loudly shoot it on the chips.
Enjoy the Superbowl and nobody cares that you “are only watching for the commercials” you are now known as a mark.
“I guess this cowboy has a little left in him” – Ben Roethlisberger when literally nobody was claiming he was done. That quote could also apply to a man that Ben essentially bullied into a 4th string role, Mason Rudolph was literally an Oklahoma State Cowboy and has resurrected a roller coaster Steelers season and somehow got them into the playoffs. The first weekend of NFL playoff games feature a bunch of random weirdo castoff starting quarterbacks, Rudolph, older than dirt Pitt reject Joe Flacco and Lake Travis School Board election financier Baker Mayfield. He actually funded an anti-CRT school board candidate, read more here. He is also suing his father’s company over a missing $12 million investment, read more about that mess here. I knew I hated him for a reason beyond football and his annoying commercials.
Outside of the actual games on the field the major story is the NFL broadcasting a playoff game exclusively on a streaming platform named after a male bird in the PeaFowl family, female peafowls are called peahens and males are the more commonly known peacock. But this isn’t the Aviary, and I am no longer a licensed ornithologist, you know after “the incident.” Showing a playoff game exclusively on a streaming service behind a paywall is another example of the NFL’s constant greed. It’s not enough that people pay hundreds of dollars to go to games, season ticket holders pay for preseason games and personal seat licenses, taxpayer dollars are used to publicly fund stadiums for billionaires, I have to pay $18 for a flat Diet Pepsi served out of a game worn medical device (that’s not a terrible idea), now Roger “Normal Guy” Goodell is asking us to sign up for a service to watch a playoff game and various Chicago based public safety shows. NBCUniversal reportedly paid $110 million for the game so 32 groups of rich assholes can get an extra $3 million. Chris Mad Dog Russo has some good thoughts on this here. Important to note that if you are in KC or Miami the game will be on local tv, I am sure I have readers in those two markets. Its important to understand that any NFL games that are on pay TV services like cable or streaming are also broadcast on local television, that’s been the case for years.
I became an obsessed NFL fan because the games were accessible, you could watch the biggest games without having cable, we couldn’t afford cable in my house and my mom would have laughed if I asked her to sign up for a service to watch a single NFL Playoff game. Local teams were on local stations and then the 4pm game was the biggest game of the week, usually Dallas or Green Bay or Denver. Monday Night Football was on ABC and the playoffs and Super Bowl were all on broadcast television. If some is good, ALL is better if you are a greedy ghoul. Streaming sucks, I rarely watch the Thursday night games now that they are on Amazon and have zombie Al Michaels calling them, changing the channel during one of the 90000 commercials in a game is nearly impossible because it’s like restarting Encarta.
Another recent issue I have with the NFL playoffs, a Monday Night playoff game is awful, god forbid we schedule a 1pm Saturday game. I feel like a dinosaur, but the NFL has turned into the sports version of Wal Mart, we aren’t far from “this punt is sponsored by the new Boeing 737, now with doors that don’t fly off mid-flight!” The NFL is the most watched show on television year after year but I think they may be getting closer to a saturation point and fans finally saying “I’m fine skipping Titans v Jaguars at 9:30 am Tuesday on Showtime Plus Max Liberator Network for $8.99 per second.”
Enough complaining, onto the Jode-splaining! (my wife came up with that, think man-splaining, she’s clever).
Saturday
Cleveland at Houston
Line: Houston (+2.5)
4:30pm Saturday NBC (normal NBC, not the bird NBC)
Two equally elite Quarterbacks
When Houston got an NFL franchise it was written into law that if they make the playoffs they must play at 4:30pm on Saturday. It feels like a tradition at this point. CJ Stroud has put together an incredible rookie season and DeMeco Ryans has done an equally impressive job as a first year head coach. Unfortunately CJ Stroud ranks 27th out of 32 Quarterbacks facing man coverage and the Browns play lots of man coverage. Even with the possible loss of Denzel Ward the Browns still have Myles Garrett who is likely the Defensive Player of the Year. Flacco has been slanging that thang and just a few weeks back Amari Cooper put up 265 yards on the same Texans defense. I think Cleveland wins and covers.
Miami at Kansas City
Line: KC (-4.5)
8pm Saturday Peacock
Miami is a mess. They needed to beat a mediocre Buffalo team at home to win the division and play at home and now they must go to Kansas City and play in below freezing conditions. Raheem Mostert and Jaylen Waddle are banged up and Xavien Howard and Bradley Chubb will be out, both of Miami’s starting safeties are hurt as well. Kansas City doesn’t have a wide receiver that would start at IUP but Miami is a total mess and I just cant pick against Andy Reid in January. I think Kansas City wins and covers somewhat easily.
Sundays (full day of football and queso ooooooooooooooooooh baby!)
Steelers at Bills
Line: Bills (-10)
1pm CBS (the Romo game)
I hate this game, I hate the Steelers playing at 1pm on Sunday for personal reasons. I have a commitment from 11am until 1pm and doubt that I will be able to grab a pizza and be home and ready for the game in time. The Steelers will be without TJ Watt but will be returning Minkah Fitzpatrick and Demontae Kazee to the secondary. Buffalo has a mediocre run defense and Najee Harris and Jaylen Warren have come alive in the last two weeks. The weather reports for Buffalo are terrible so it sounds like throwing wont be a major part of the game. I unfortunately don’t like the Steelers in this spot and think Buffalo is trending up, they haven’t lost a game since before Thanksgiving and the one game they have lost in their last six was an OT loss at Philadelphia. Josh Allen loves turning the ball over and the Steelers will need that to happen to win, I worry that Buffalo will run the ball down the Steelers throat. I hope this trends like the 1993 Wild Card game at Arrowhead where a mediocre Steelers team took Joe Montana to overtime and ultimately lost. 10 points is huge, but I think Buffalo probably covers. If you are going to bet this game hit the under and leave the sides to the professionals.
Green Bay at Dallas
Line: Dallas (-7)
4:30 Fox
I avoid watching these teams if I can. I have watched like five minutes of Dallas this year and one Green Bay game. I am just so sick of these two teams, Green Bay hasn’t been relevant since 2010 and Dallas hasn’t been relevant since 1996. We are just subjected to them week after week for some reason. I don’t care who wins, I hope both teams lose. I think Dallas smashes them because they are clearly the better team and Jordan Love IS NOT THAT GOOD! But theres still a chance that Mike McCarthy could blow the Mike McCarthy Bowl, hes so dumb….Dallas covers.
Rams at Lions
Line: Lions (-3)
8pm or whenever Carrie Underwood stops signing (whichever is later) NBC
“Ohhh Carrie, love that song, so happy to have her back this year, don’t you just love that song Mike?” Cris Collinsworth during the Week 1 game. No nobody likes that song, its fucking dumb, its marginally better than the awful Monday Night Song. Detroit has never hosted a playoff game in Ford Field, literally the Steelers have played and won more post season games at Ford Field than the Lions. I really like Dan Campbell, I thought he was a crazy goofball that would be fire before Thanksgiving. He has turned the Lions into a good team with some legitimate players. The pressure of not having a home playoff game since 1994 and not having won a playoff game since 1992 will be too much, also Sam Laporta is probably out. Rams have lots of options on offense. I am leaning Rams +3….leaning.
Monday Night Foooooobawwwww (I can feel it in the air tonight….OOOOOHHHHH, cmon SNOOP!)
Eagles at Buccaneers
Line: Buccaneers +3.5
Eagles are reeling. Jalen Hurts is literally hurt, his finger is messed up, AJ Brown is hurt. I don’t think anybody wins this game. It will end in a tie and the commissioner will tell us to all turn our tv’s off and go to sleep. Philadelphia cannot handle the blitz and Tampa blitzes. Philadelphia’s historic defense from last year is long gone, Matt Patricia is now the D Coordinator. I hate to pick Baker Mayfield and Todd Bowles but I think I am. Tampa wins outright….
There you have it. My wildcard preview. I hope to write more regularly this year but who knows. Thanks for reading and remember the only way to get back to even is to keep on BETTING!
